So much has happened in the time I haven’t written.
I had to apologise for the texts I sent because they were based on past insecurities. He forgave me when I explained that too.
Speaking of insecurities, I’ve spent the last couple weeks, (with the leading of The Holy Spirit) dealing with them with him. We’ve had long conversations (mostly me talking) where I’ve walked through most of my entire emotional adult life with him. We even touched the childhood stuff too. Everything from the abuse, to the house I lived in growing up and everything.
We weren’t having sex so we just talked. We talked a lot. I opened up to him completely and began the healing process. He’s been amazing. He listened to everything and encouraged where necessary.
I expressed everything including my missing him and disappointment that we couldn’t have sex, he told me that he’s disappointed too, because we’re not on the same page re pregnancy and abortions. We both just let the topic go at the time. I was hurt and I think he was too. He doesn’t say much so I can’t speak for him exactly.
Then Friday night and yesterday happened. He had sent me a meme on Twitter on Wednesday evening, it was about cream pies. One of our inside jokes, and that’s actually what started the disappointment conversation. We moved on and then on Friday night, at about 10pm he sent a meme of someone touching the other person’s nipples. I was asleep so I didn’t see it, (I believe The Holy Spirit forced me to go to bed actually because I didn’t have peace until I did) and I woke up around midnight. I had text him laughing at it, because it’s another inside thing we have, and then told him how much I missed him and other sweet stuff. He text back one sentence. “Shave your vagina”.
I asked him if he was sure and told him okay. He didn’t reply, the next morning I text him to let him know that I had shaved and that he should let me know when he’d be coming.
Long story short, he asked me to come to his place instead, but I had to wait for his friend to leave first. Then I got there and I don’t know how to explain how the day went. It was sooo special. We watched Joe Budden’s podcast together at first, then we had sex, then we continued the podcast, cuddled and relaxed when it was over, he slept off at some point, then woke up, I played Popcaan’s forever album, we started watching some nfl recap on YouTube, then we had sex again, during which his friend came to pick up a box I later found was his engagement ring for his girlfriend, so we had to stop and then start again, which messed with our regular me on top position so we switched to doggy style and finished then he called me an Uber and I went home.
There’s so much missing from the way I told that story. Like the part where she called and then he knew I had heard her voice so he started playing footsie with my toes and I felt like that was to reassure me, the way I felt when he looked at me and how I had to catch my breath when I first saw him, and all the feelings I felt knowing that he knew I could get pregnant because I was no longer on the pill, or the fact that we spent 4 hours just being in each other’s arms, relaxed and happy.
If anything reassured me of his feelings for me, even though he didn’t say them, this did. I was really happy.
Anyway I have to go now. It’s time for service.